no more.

no more looking back.
yes sure, there are times when being sad is inevitable.
its purely a regret, one of many that will accumulate.
i've tried.. about as much as i thought you'd accept.
not wanting to push it, not wanting to push you.

but life goes on. and as i've found out, as much as i make this a priority, it cant stay that way indefinitely. there are many other things that warrant my attention; relationships and circumstances where i cease being the one to be helped and help instead, people who have cared for me in my distress and are now to be cared for, aspects of life to discern and wisely choose the right paths i tread. in short, living an others-focused life where the God who comforts me now enables me to give out of love.

i have fumbled around enough in attempting to resolve this, in mulling over and to an extent, mourning it. there comes a time, and it is now, when enough is enough. no more introspection, no more questioning, no more attempts at finding a perfect solution. i have tried, and i will try again, but if this is not enough and will never be enough, then so be it.

i cant guarantee for sure, the wisdom of this. but this healing heart is moving on, following after a God who forgets my iniquities and restores my spirit, and i am inclined to set off once again. something that i was told today, "the saddest thing is that they will never know what could have been". word for word, in a totally different context, but just so relevant to the thoughts i entertain tonight. from tomorrow, they go into a corner, easily accessible and well-lit, but a corner nonetheless. important, but no longer a priority.

i. you. we. will. never. know.
lies, they weren't.
truths too raw to sow.
but this is the last time.

This is the last time/ That I will say these words/ I remember the first time/ The first of many lies/ Sweep it into the corner/ Or hide it under the bed/ Say these things they go away/ But they never do/ Something I wasn't sure of/ But I was in the middle of/ Something I forget now/ But I've seen too little of/ The last time - Keane