figuring out #babysteps2014

tra-vel. what an overused word, with as many meanings as there are countries.
is it purely a selfish endeavour? or could it be that it is the small, essential step towards a larger discovery?

reading about writing. hearing about travelling. and all the while, wondering -
what is it that I need and where do I fit.

the conversation today went something like this:
"wow, a battle of wills. she should have been saying, 'Come back here' instead of 'Go back'."
"why?"
"isn't it hypocritical? like, directing you somewhere I am not."
"OK, so is 'Come back here' really better?"
"actually, no.. come, lets go back there together would be best"
"so, journeying together?"
"yeah."
"why go back there?"
"I don't like where some of them are at."
"so you want to change them?"
"no. honestly, yes - even if i know i cant"
"why cant you?"
"because its not my job, its yours. and because, I don't like where I am either."
"why don't you like where you are?"
"I have lots of myself to change."
"but I made you"
"yes, and somehow, I'm not working out"
"you don't like yourself very much, do you?"
"no i don't."
"so you want to change yourself first before changing your little ones."
"yes, kinda"
"you've not liked yourself for a long time you know."
"oh."
- a few more laps in silence -
"like the you I've made"
"what"
"build your identity. build your worth. I made you."
"with all the crap i have?"
- silence-
"how"
- more silence -
"this has come a long way from my comment about that lady"
"yep. build yourself"


God is real. He doesn't give me the answers I want, but He is real, and He shows up.
Nothing at all to do with travel. but everything to do with why I first travelled.
And, I suspect, His showing up, will be a big part of why I will keep going.
I don't know me very well, but He does.
And little adventures out of this island helps me understand - since He knows, I should follow.