it's here again

that feeling that i thought i'd left behind,
i recognise it.
finally - because it has been a while.
and in the full glory of its cliched rise.
even the description of it takes more than i have.
even sleep brings no relief.

when? or how?
I assume it is fixable?
but is it?
it is a quiet churning.
a nagging feeling that this arises from an inadequacy, a flaw.
one that others handle better - or even solve.

i am either extremely tormented,
or i am the most fragile of wusses.
and how are these two beliefs not ungodly in every way?
ignorance would be bliss - but ignorance drives me crazy.

save me from these circles once more.
i dont know how i've gotten here,
i dont know how to get out,
but i'm settling for the fact that i know i'm here.
again.
and i know You can get me out - easy way or hard, i want out.
why the stupidity? why the despondency?

even diving would just be escaping.
save me.