backstage.

The similarities - uncanny. That moment, I knew I needed a photo, I needed to document this moment in my life.

It's Good Friday weekend; Easter, they call it. But for me, it was a second man in a suit, acting out the role of a God-mocker. The contrast, the first man in a suit, extolling the work of a fellow God-lover. And backstage, I, in my earthly suit of warped mix of strengths and weaknesses, taking a photo of moments I needed to document. But it's a different me - that me, who took a photo of the first man, was someone who could not believe that I was where I was then, who could not accept that God was happy with where I was, and that it was God Himself who put me there! The me, behind this photo, is a me who revels in the greatness of a God who lifts us all up, whose little heart threatens to burst with pride in seeing the growth of someone else, who is quietly enjoying the respite of having her head above the water.

And today, that is me. Because this is my story: that He lifts us up, above my sin and my sadness, above the defeat and the lies, above the mire that I have helped heap on my own head - He. Lifts. Me. Up.

I struggle, but this time, I'm struggling to stay afloat. I no longer struggling to live - because I am alive, and the struggle to stay afloat is a worthy one - it is one that will last a long, long time, one that will entail struggling for others and with others, one that is worth the effort and the time and even the pain.

And so, may my life be used to lift up His people, just as He has lifted me. May my life bear their burdens with them as He has borne mine and sent others to help lighten my load. May my life be an aid in the journey, a refuge for the tired, a hand for the weak, a shoulder for the downcast - in the very same way that others have been all these to me. And may my great God, the God of unfailing love and kindness, may He help me become that person that I desire to be, to love as Christ loves, to serve as He did, to do the very same work that He has done for me - and to an even greater measure because of the Holy Spirit who lives within.

some people when they help, don't help - I felt it, I immediately added on to it. But now, all I can say is, I will try to get better at this. I will struggle to learn how to help, and God, in His greatness, will use the little that I have, to bring about the actual help, the moments that actually matter. And if my bumblings can be catalyst that spurs others who can help to put their hands to the plough, then so be it.