Your hand –

A gathering.
Lingering.

My heart warmed.
Blessed.

Keeping in step.
A friend to walk alongside – or run, as it were, tonight.
There is beauty in covering ground step by step, beauty in watching another pair of feet, beauty in the tandem movement.

Genetically pre-disposed towards a lack of fitness? Yes. Indeed. Does that make me stronger? Not by any worldly standards. But I can see now, that refusal to give up: Stubborn in a deluded way.

One to help keep you going. A confession, a kind word.
I think things really got going after Doulos – the kindness and warmth of others. Keller makes sense. So much sense. And then in SA.

Things about the inner life: It's priority. The complexity of it. Solitude. And the cure – of seeing it all come back to Jesus.
A priority that I never acknowledged until I nearly broke. The complexity that surpassed the simplistic and avoidant worldview that I've held: Not recognising, until now, the value of emotions. Feeling hints of it, but never being able to put it into words. The physical-ness of it didn't matter, but existentially, I was dead inside. Morally too – consumed by the failure I saw myself as. Cant remember the others. But faith saved me: the Bible, and my Christian upbringing, told me that God has made sense. Yancey showed some of the way, shed light on some of it.
But the solitude – that did not hit home until recently. The "enough-ness" of God.

And then when he spoke about knowing the Gospel, letting it break through into our heart over and over and over? That is me, under the water. Every single time.

But oh, the wind! I remember kite-surfing. The power of it. If that is what gives life, and sustains life, even in the midst of it, I want that. I want the Spirit of God.

These reflections --- so far from the original intention to admire the beauty of His orchestrating hand.

And she couldn't understand Keller? She's smart. How does she not get it?