Because I'm afraid of who I was and who I still am inside.
I have words I would love to fire. Comments that you are not undeserving of. Opinions which could probably stop you in your happy tracks. Snarky phrases that, at the very least, might cause you some discomfort in return for the disappointment and the sting you gave. But I hold back, because they are contaminated with sarcasm and bitterness and poison. The physical act of hesitation and twice today, swallowing the alphabets on screen.
Think whatever you want, say whatever you wish -
Your words belie the truth about you and your words really sting.
But to say that the truth hurts - maybe its less of a mistake than a merely narrowly-defined, inaccurate statement of the situation; just like the stock indices. The truth shows us the sad state of reality, the extent of our idiocies and once we see that, we see the truth of the Bible. Its declarations, boundaries, warnings and also, the great promises.. we are truly set free emotionally and spiritually.
I realised, today, that I've gone in too far again. An adaptation of the old saying is due. Once bitten, twice shy, now repeat.
The truth today, there are consequences to forgetting a lesson already learnt. And the sting is still there, but I'd rather be here, shifting my focus back than to continuing with this misplaced trust.
No more of this crap. I was wrong in giving excuses for you. I believed you would change eventually, but I see now, it will take something else to turn you around. Maybe, God in His mercies will use me one day, maybe He will bring someone else along, or maybe it will be gently revealed - i dont know. What i do know: I am not yet resilient enough, and not gracious enough to be hanging out with someone like you.
the words I have for you are destructive and even if you continue to think I am wishywashy, then so be it. Because I dont know how to do this in love yet. and unlike those set under my care, I have no responsibility to you anymore. You decided that a time ago, not me.
And I write this, knowing that this is just another truth I have tarried in facing. Just one more aspect of knowing that I am struggling to understand the words, "you shall be free indeed."
I have words I would love to fire. Comments that you are not undeserving of. Opinions which could probably stop you in your happy tracks. Snarky phrases that, at the very least, might cause you some discomfort in return for the disappointment and the sting you gave. But I hold back, because they are contaminated with sarcasm and bitterness and poison. The physical act of hesitation and twice today, swallowing the alphabets on screen.
Think whatever you want, say whatever you wish -
Your words belie the truth about you and your words really sting.
But to say that the truth hurts - maybe its less of a mistake than a merely narrowly-defined, inaccurate statement of the situation; just like the stock indices. The truth shows us the sad state of reality, the extent of our idiocies and once we see that, we see the truth of the Bible. Its declarations, boundaries, warnings and also, the great promises.. we are truly set free emotionally and spiritually.
I realised, today, that I've gone in too far again. An adaptation of the old saying is due. Once bitten, twice shy, now repeat.
The truth today, there are consequences to forgetting a lesson already learnt. And the sting is still there, but I'd rather be here, shifting my focus back than to continuing with this misplaced trust.
No more of this crap. I was wrong in giving excuses for you. I believed you would change eventually, but I see now, it will take something else to turn you around. Maybe, God in His mercies will use me one day, maybe He will bring someone else along, or maybe it will be gently revealed - i dont know. What i do know: I am not yet resilient enough, and not gracious enough to be hanging out with someone like you.
the words I have for you are destructive and even if you continue to think I am wishywashy, then so be it. Because I dont know how to do this in love yet. and unlike those set under my care, I have no responsibility to you anymore. You decided that a time ago, not me.
And I write this, knowing that this is just another truth I have tarried in facing. Just one more aspect of knowing that I am struggling to understand the words, "you shall be free indeed."
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