echoes of a beating heart

how have things gotten this bad, this fast?
am i deluded?

dry. drained.

shall we talk?
maybe i shouldnt. maybe all i need right now, is to be still and know that
you are still in this, that you haven't left me, nor have I left you - that I just do not recognise you in the everyday.

how do I describe the newness of being awake, yes, alive, at 7.30am in the morning?
how is it so.. foreign?

i feel lonely. all these talk of unity. and respecting differences - i feel inadequate, jealous.
and then I am hyper sensitive of my thoughts and my actions. extra critical. because, where does this bring me? doesn't self-awareness lead to an understanding of character?

these words of this new song have captured my imagination.

God, it has been quite a year-
I've lived a little bit and I've died a little more.
I know that I've asked it before,
But please let the scale tip here in my favor.

because, is this really where echoes come to rest?
where I understand peace and balance and we can see where life has brought me, how much i have to be thankful for, but at the same time, respecting the emotions of loneliness, and