Also. Again.

"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me." John 14:1 (NASB)

A distant season - a season where there has been a desire, not to seek His face, but to hide from it. It is scary that such desires were allowed to fester, and scarier still, the hypocrisy that was needed to sustain a semblance of normality in the face of such desires. 

But, through the darkness, God spoke. "Believe also in Me." 
He spoke not just once. 
Twice. 
Who dares challenge the Creator God? Who, in their right mind, would make Him repeat Himself? 
Is the lack of understanding even a legitimate excuse? The lack of perspective and of joy? 

The grace that exudes from the words of this verse is immense - yet it is ignored.
Subjected to the coping mechanism of filing away something that is, as of now, still incomprehensible, because the claims of ownership have not been staked. Feelings, raw and real, are being isolated and disowned - under the guise of finding the root cause. 

"Also" suggests an addition. And because of Who it was who spoke these words, it is a good addition, a necessary one. But is it easy to add on to beliefs? Is it acceptable to allow behaviour to precede a belief - or, is it acceptable to allow behaviour to fall short while beliefs are built? 

No. And no. 

So help me God. I dont understand and I dont feel like understanding. But I need to. And I'm very bad at doing things that I need to do but dont want to do - so help me, help me get through this Your way, not mine.