– David Whyte –
Her time with us was very brief. Too brief.
But she was a friend to me – she saw me for who I am and she gave me the privilege of hearing, watching and learning from her life and her wisdom. And for a season, she walked with me through 3 careers, multiple ministry meltdowns and basic discipleship of knowing God and loving God.
We met only because she extended her hand of friendship to us. A bunch of twenty-somethings who didn't really know what the heck they were asking for, just that they – with mindless earnestness – put up their hands and signed up for a mentor at Vision Lunch in 2015.
I was only supposed to facilitate the link-up. But I ended up being one of three young adults that Jessica and Brenda took under their wings. None of us had put our hands up – I was far away in SA – but Jessica made it work.
She told me, it's ok, you just come and invite anyone who can make it. Eventually, it was us three. We were the Ladies Fei-lowship group.
For the longest time, we couldn't even put a name to what we were doing. We just told the cell, "Oh, we're meeting the ladies." And that was it.
Fellowship is such an over-used word that I couldn't bring myself to call what we had going as just "fellowship".
It's too small a word to do justice to what we had going. Fortnightly, at the start.
I will always remember and cherish sitting around the dining table at your house. Updates, opinions, stories – we shared a lot of laughter and witnessed many tears. It showed me the value of inter-generational community – way before I started to be exposed to it through S&L. Jessica and Brenda felt like mothers to us.
In many ways, they were. And it was especially poignant to me when, in one of our last meetings, the other two shared about their mothers.
She was the one who kept the group going. Can you imagine trying to pin down a time with 3 young adults and 2 ladies who had both family and ministry commitments? Not easy! Re-reading those texts made me cringe.
But we're dealing with Jessica – the same person who will single-handedly – literally – order meals, settle family needs, read, email, text, minister to others, and who knows what else just one mobile hand.
She checked in, she prayed for us, gave me advice (or reminders) when I didn't know what to do.
Twice, she went and moved mountains for me. The first time in 2017, she said, "Hope u don't mind me calling u my mentoree. Not sure how else to describe the relationship." Then that crazy-face emoji.
I was blessed with the privilege of calling her my mentor.
After we had lunch one day before my 30th, I told her: "I’m constantly being surprised and perplexed by the things you share." Add sweatdrop emoji.
To which she replied: "Haha, hope I don't confuse you too much!!" Laughing tears emoji.
At leaders retreat in March 2019, we roomed together... and in response to one of the many different things we talked about, she said 1 Cor 13:12 had been on her mind, but it also held a truth for me that there is no such thing as perfect self-knowledge – not until we get to heaven. She told me to think about it.
I still am. Today, though, for a different reason – because I know that she is now enjoying being fully known. Pain-free. A resurrected body. With Jesus.
Wisdom is the baseline requirement. And Jessica was. People can attest to that much better than I can – I always had something to ponder over after our chats. And I can't even remember what some of those things are... so I'm not qualified to comment on that.
Just this one thing, that was her refrain: "Trust God."
But Jessica was not just wise and discerning. She was also gentle and kind and she made me feel safe.
With her, I learnt how to be vulnerable, and to share. I grew up not knowing how to.
Jessica had the gift of hospitality and she knew how to hold space; a quiet, disarming and sometimes mischievous warmth that co-existed with something fierce and intense.
Sitting across her, I remember noticing that her eye kind of twitched when she was listening intently, her gaze is steady – and piercing. I always felt somewhat unsettled, and I usually have to avert my gaze, even for just a moment. But there are twinkles that I catch as well – like when she's taking out some new snacks for us to try.
Jessica texted me this message after one of our meetups – and it seems an apt message to share here:
"This is a good place to be, just kind of scary... Don't worry, the Lord will see u through. Just keep humbling and surrendering yourself to Him. Take it from someone who has gone thru it b4, the end result will be well worth the pain n struggle u go thru to get there."
I don't know much about the last two years. But I know they were hard. And I know she finished the race well – a part of the great cloud of witnesses.
She has left now, but she has also left us a great legacy.
And also a space in my life and memories that will always be hers. She made this world a better place.
I will miss her – I think we all will, in very different ways – but I will remember her with you.
Our turn to run now.
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"It will be a process ... start surrendering to God the things that u r building yr significance upon, n find yr identity in Him alone. This is a good place to be, just kind of scary ...
"After you've dealt with it (may take quite a while), you'll enjoy yr walk with God n serving Him a lot more than u do now.
"Don't worry, the Lord will see u through. Just keep humbling and surrendering yourself to Him. Take it from someone who has gone thru it b4, the end result will be well worth the pain n struggle u go thru to get there. 😄 "
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And I'm only just beginning to see the truth in these words.
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I dreamt of her in Jan 2020 while in Manado. In my dream, I was surprised and overjoyed to see her walking again, in her home. True – just that now, it's heaven. And I'm not surprised she's there.
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