yet another shot of chairs.

its all a blur to me now. 

but its inconsequential, its just space left. 

i would very much like to leave. kind of like a break up. yet the nature of it was as such, almost like a kindred spirit between two distinct individuals. but time has passed, and life has brought about its replacements. the sad truth is, i've been replaced. 

and yet, i hear God so clearly telling me not to give up. it is a such a joke that even through this, i hear the quiet, constant whisper. but in my silence on other issues, i hear nothing. the joke's on me. i say it, not out of bitterness, but out of incredulity. through moments of indecision, of reactive anger, and even selfish tantrums, that one command still stands. 

it has not yet reached a definitive point of left vs right, to follow or to disobey. but it is getting easier to even consider disobedience, with all its short term perks. right now, i just want to assuage the discomfort, cover the wounds, withdraw from the exposed vulnerability and take myself somewhere safe. 

the potential of this picture is a vision that i wish i believed more of. two filled chairs, good conversations and coffee, smiles and hand gestures. a picture of this, sharp, colorful, happy. but, this slightly underexposed, out of focus emptiness, somehow describes things more aptly. the most apt would be when the subjects wouldnt be the chairs, but someone. he's leaning way back into the chair, legs crossed comfortably like he's been waiting for hours, his head leaning on semi-folded arms, staring pensively across the table. he's there, introspectively musing over the intricacies of life, the ironies of relationships...but most importantly, when will he stand up, finish his coffee and leave. in short, when enough will be enough.

i'm at a loss. 

flesh vs spirit.

thats just what it is.