2013 Endurance

The Winning Shot

 

Life happens.
I win. You lose.
People fail. Mosquitoes die.
 And I've come to realise that all I can really do is to play my pieces as well I as possibly can and then laugh the rest of it off whether I win or I lose. Not because of the circumstances that come my way - those hurt like a dozen papercuts - but from the joy that ought to come from the never-ending source.

Endurance. Obedience. Hope. Christ. Keywords for my 2013.
If only I could have a brand new start to it. A new life somewhere else. I'll be more careful where I tread, with who I trust, with how I love. Its childish, but I wish you were a better person for me. Its selfish, but I hate the way you questioned me when I needed guidance and not more doubts. Its ridiculous, because there is no way circumstances will let me run from this, and from you. And then you, you disappear, you run, you won't let anyone help and you do all the things that I wish I could do and all the things I wish that you wouldn't do. Over and above all of this, I'd change me. Me, because, there's the only thing in common in all these stupid relationships.

Shit happens, but actually, it only sucks so much because its me who's unable to let go.
Its a whole tangle of beliefs here. Good, bad and all the combinations of right and wrong. I don't know where I stand on all of it - there is the God-centric view and then there is the I-AM-FREAKING-PISSED-AT-THIS-CIRCUS-SO-GO-AWAY-GOD view.

you win. you laugh. and then you're all alone.
or maybe, you lose, you leave and then its just you.
is the right thing always so hard to do?
and why is it always almost impossible to get it right?

and this happens on the night before i start my new job. awesome.