in the whitewash.

i'm sitting,  semi-crouched over my laptop. amidst a mess that is unparalleled.
i'm tired, half asleep, but loathe to leave my bag unpacked.
am I alive?

each time the conversation settles into a silence, i feel my inadequacy. my lack of conversation starters, my lack of charisma, my lack of leadership.

and at work, struggling with the menial-ity of it all - just sometimes. but more often, the interaction and the acceptance of those around me.

a promise, a word, spoken in truth. a promise, a door, opening for hope.
as the song so simply puts it - these things take time.

so i pray, and i watch, and i hang tight as You tow me out into the deeper waters once again. Into the place where I will experience Your goodness, and tell of Your glories once more. where I will shout it out with my life. but in the meantime, i will wait in the tired silence, inside the un-damned process.