jigsaw puzzles - with pieces appearing, and themes surfacing.
I hate puzzles.
I've never had the fortitude to finish one.
Foundations of a jigsaw are not really foundations at all. You start by looking for the corners, and those four pieces can take forever just to locate.
But the tearing down is different this time...
Will I run? Or can I embrace it?
Today, I've forgotten the sins, have I left them too long? I've moved on to asking You to speak -- because I don't know what I know anymore. I spurt out truths; some of which I'm not sure of right now.
Don't let go of me.
"Do not be weary of doing good", "I have shown you what is good... do justly, love mercy, walk humbly." But not just that - to root myself in Your love for me, in who You say I am.
Because, it is a curse to see connections in everything. To feel inferior in all that I do. To compare and then to lose. All inside my head. All.
Envy was also translated zeal - the same words. But what if I serve You out of a misplaced love? God, won't there be nothing left? I would do so much more harm than good. Than good. The devotions, from Isaiah - that I should not say, I cannot say I will go, until I know even, what to say. And now, what can I even say to those who are hurting?
So all along in my life - have I gotten it wrong. I've always wanted to go. Lord, You know what is on my heart. Is it being resurrected now? What a timing. What a terrible timing. But You are fanning the flame - or is it just my imagination? 2013. the second half. after Manado.
Sit here with me God. Pursue me again. Don't let me go.
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